Wimbleydone Tennish

I love tennis.

I should clarify. I love PLAYING tennis.

It's go just the right amount of hitting stuff without any of that running around. You get a rest every 10 seconds or so. Perfect.

Also it's got angles and shit. Being the son of an engineer, angles are in my genes. I can do angles.

I'd say that it was in my top 4 favourite sports, closely behind football, cricket and throwing bits of paper in a bin.

However, regarding watching a tennis match.....you would have to literally put drugs in my milk (ala BA Baracus in the A-team) to get me on that plane. I DON'T UNDERSTAND. WHERE'S THE ENJOYMENT!?

You see these middle class fools, waiting for days for the rain to stop, sitting on an uncomfortable plastic seat that's set them back £100 a day, regularly interrupted by Cliff Richard singing like some kind of discographic irritable bowel ("oh isn't it great of him cheering everyone up"-"NO, he's a shameless egotisist"), eating overpriced strawberries covered with clotted cow tit-sweat until finally the "covers are off" and we get 20 minutes of completely emotionless hitting back and forth of a ball.

There's no variation, no prolonged strategy, just mindless hitting back and forth, back and forth until one of them fucks up or hits something slightly better than the other. Then we start again.

Even worse...it's on my TV all the fucking time. I can understand it's popularity when McEnroe was playing...he got pissed off and shouted at posh people. It was funny but the "recent" stars..."TIGER" TIM HENMAN.

How exactly did Tim "Flannel" Henman deserve the name "Tiger". Did he turn up on centre court - his face covered in antelope blood, did he bite the heads off opponents and in between sets attempt to hump ballgirls....no.....he....just sometimes..........pumped his fist. Ooh, how very fucking "tigerish" of you. He wouldn't last a second in the jungle, he'd be buggered to Balmoral by Tigger (as in Winnie the Pooh) and Tony (as in Frosties).

Why do sportsmen and women have to be so bloody lobotomised! It's even starting to affect cricket, which has seemed to be immune and retained some characters (probably because...well....no one watches it).

Anyway, I digress. I think I was meant to be annoyed about tennis.

It's like Royal Ascot. It's pointless and it should be stopped.

GO ON MURRAY!

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ps....my favorite joke this week -

---What time does Andy Murray go to bed

--- Tennish

badoom-pah!

no?....well fuck off then.