Wednesday 30 July 2008

REVIEW: The Dark Knight - No spoilers or lies (or bad jokes) this time.

Here (in italics) follows a not so brief history of how we got to this point. Feel free to skip.

In 1938, National Publications (later to become DC Comic) was looking for a follow up character to their hugely successful Superman superhero. Bob Kane, a writer, came up with the idea of "The Bat-Man". The early undeveloped character was pretty much just a man who dressed up as a bat and shot bad guys. It wasn't until later that he evolved into the brooding playboy and gadget packing vigilante that we all know.

In the 50s, having introduced the "Robin" to the comic, the comic was in trouble for homoerotic undertones This is what is widely is thought to have led to the creation of Bat-woman and Bat-girl as if to say...IT'S OK.....HE'S NOT A GAY, YOUR CHILDREN ARE SAFE.

In the 60's a TV series was made starring Adam ("somebody's stealing my water") West. By today's standards it's ridiculously camp and absurd but at the time cynicism hadn't been invented and so the series was success.

The 70's, after the end of the TV series, DC comics tried to shake off the image of The Bat-man as the Camp Crusader by making the stories darker. However this had limited success and by the mid 80's the comic sales had reached an all time low.

In 1989 Tim Burton, fresh from the success of Beetlejuice, was hired by Warner Brothers to make a Batman movie. His stubbornness in casting the comedic actor Michael Keaton in the casting role put off fans of the series. However the film, backed by a huge marketing campaign, was a commercial and critical success and led to the sequel Batman Returns (1992), also by Burton.

Despite the success of Batman Returns, Warner Brothers decided that the films were too adult and gothic under Burton and replaced him with Joel Schumacher for the third film - 'Batman Forever'. Keaton was replaced by Valerie Kilmer and Burton's favorite film score composer Danny Elfman was replaced by a chap called Elliot Goldenthal , who once did the music for Demolition Man. Robin was introduced, Two-Face/Harvey Dent was chewed up by Tommy Lee Jones, Jim Carrey was hired to be zany and Nicole Kidman was the tits-interest. Batman Forever was rubbish....but it made money, so we got a 4th - 'Batman and Robin' in 97'. I haven't seen this because by 1997 I was old enough to have taste and sense.

The gash-a-thon of Schumaker's Batman sequels pretty much killed off any interest in making movies about men in batsuits for nearly a decade.

What the franchise need was a new start. It desperately need a big fat needle full of depressing realism. Where better to look for this than the home of rainy Sundays, cancelled trains, tutting, pessimism, grim cafes, burnt down seaside piers and big sighs.

Yes, Britain and Ireland. The most "real" places on the planet. Step forward Christopher Nolan. Step forward Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Liam Neeson, Cillian Murphy and Tom Wilkinson.

Batman Begins (again) came out in 2005 and was a commercial and critical hit. By starting the series a fresh it gave the young director Nolan a chance to put his take on the comic. Whereas it's predecessors had relied on action set pieces and two dimensional villains to carry the story, Nolan's Batman Begins was more a of a character study on Bruce Wayne and how he becomes the Batman. Rather than trying to make a comic book which was a good entertaining film, he tried to make a good film set in a real world which just happened to have the story and characters from the comic. Everything had to be explained and if it wasn't possible, it was cut from the story.

That pretty much brings us up to date and to the release of the widely anticipated sequel to Batman Begins - "The Dark Knight".

The film starts with a set piece bank robbery as exciting and clever as anything I have seen in cinema in recent years. It introduces Heath Ledger's "Joker" superbly. In Nolan's Gotham, the Joker is a John Doe, a sweaty, hyperactive, fanatic anarchist whose face is caked in peeling paint and who wants to expose the contradictions of people who try to be good (apparently this is pseudo-Taoism). Through acts of terror he hopes to create a world of chaos in Gotham. Unlike the Jack Nicholson's Joker, we are given no clear back story behind Ledger's interpretation of the Joker. He even gives two conflicting stories to explain his scars, which run in a gruesome smile up his cheeks perhaps inspired by the main protagonist in the Asian extreme film Ichi the Killer. The Joker's crimes are not caused by a desire for money, power or infamy unlike normal villain but by an obsession with an ideology. There is even a wonderful scene in which he burns a giant pile of money to demonstrate this.

Another character which is introduced is that of Harvey Dent, the city's up and coming district attorney and competition for Batman in more ways than one. His incorruptibility and refusal to brake the law infuriates the Joker as it directly contradicts his beliefs.

Christian Bale returns as Bruce Wayne / Batman, ready to hang up his batwings and pass the job of ridding the city of organised crime onto Harvey Dent. An interesting connection is made with the Roman Republic's use of a anti-democratic dictatorial system which was reverted to in times of civil emergency. This appointed one man to protect the city. Having done this, the protector was meant to then restore democracy and step down (this didn't always happen though). As the war against crime in Gotham seems to be being won at the start of the film Bruce Wayne muses whether it is time for Batman to step down and allow the democratic law, and it's new white knight, Dent, to take over.

Gary Oldman returns as Lt Gordon and is fantastic. In fact the film has as much to do with his character as it does with Batman. Whereas Dent is idealistic incorruptible lawman, and Bruce Wayne is the vigilante working outside of the law for the concept of "good", Oldman's Gordon is the realist in the middle who has to openly denounce the lawless Batman, whilst all the time relying on his actions. This conflict is repeated when Dent discovers that Lt Gordon's staff included officers with muddy pasts, but who get the job done. Nolan gets great mileage out of this and I feel that it is one of the most interesting aspects of the film.

Whereas the recent rash of comic book adaptations (The Hulk, The Fantastic Four, Ghost Rider, The Hulk (again), SpiderMan3, Iron man and Hancock) were severely lacking in brains and relied heavily on special effects and lots scenes of things hitting things and blowing up, "The Dark Knight" is idea heavy and is over-burdened with concepts. On top of the usual Batman themes of dark and light, vigilantism and the drawbacks of democratic judicial systems the film explores torture, mass-surveillance, terrorism (the Joker's ideological fundamentalism is juxtaposed with shots of firemen walking through the rubble of blown up buildings), there's even a sequence exploring game-theory (the ferry bit).

The supporting cast is so impressive; Heath Ledger, Gary Oldman, Aaron Eckhart, Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, Maggie Gyllenhaal that it actually manages to sideline Christian Bale. It seems that you can have too much of a good thing.

Having said this, the performances are faultless, the script is well written and the action sequences are fantastic.

Thursday 17 July 2008

Late night shopping #1

Time has no meaning in the world of the 24 hour shopping centre.

I went last night at midnight to the ASDA in Southgate, North London; a sprawling giant adult candy store, open non-stop except for a short period on a Sunday evening.

As you walk through the giant electric doors, it's like entering a strange new dimension. Clocks run backwards, society is broken.

I found myself staring at cheese. I have no idea of how much time had passed. I could spend my whole life there, reading the different prices of cheeses, reading how much they cost per kilo, not taking any of it in. Lobotomised by the choice.

The strange, half asleep, caffeine fuelled arbiters of the shop shuffle around with huge metal cages occasionally doing something that looks useful although I can't be sure that they actually work here. Maybe they came in like me, wide-eyed and confused. They've been in the shop for so long that they've started to take on the appearance of the shop, crafting name badges from bits of thrown away plastic packaging, forming a complex hierarchical system of self filler, checkout operative and (for those who have been there the longest) store manager.

I start to replace a few fallen items back on to the shelf. Maybe I could integrate too. Maybe I could get in as a self filler. I look about for something to disguise the telltale signs that I am not "one of them".

It's at this point, the lady friend, who transcends the 24hour shopping dimension (and therefore is immune to it's hypnotic power) grabs my hand and guides me and the trolley to the self service checkout.

I'm back now.......I think. But I know in my heart that this could just be a hallucination and I could well be still in the dairy section, shivering gently, gazing at Camembert.

Thursday 3 July 2008

REVIEW : The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - or The Passion of the Simba - WARNING CONTAINS SPOILERS.....AND BLATANT LIES

The critical and commercial success of Wes Craven's 90's slasher film Scream led to a spate of rubbish films being commissioned including such utter fecal sludge as I Know What You Did Last Summer, Urban Legend, Valentine, Cherry Falls, the remakes of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Craven's own The Hills Have Eyes.

Now this might seem an odd way to start a review of 'Prince Caspian', the second installment of 'The Chronicles of Narnia' (primarily a children's fantasy story) but there is a connection. Without the huge success of Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings trilogy (and to a lesser extend the Harry Potter films), this film probably would never have been made.

Like the Lord of the Rings, the first two Narnia films were made by a New Zealander - Andrew Adamson (having previously been behind Shrek 1 + 2). The first Narnia book - The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (for those few of you who don't know) takes place in a wardrobe. There was a witch played by Barbara Windsor. She spent all day in the wardrobe farting and giggling.....I can't remember there being a lion. I think it was meant to be a metaphor.

I jest. Can't you tell? Look at my jesty hat.

Anyway, I was dragged along to the Barnet Odeous Cinema by my CS Lewis obsessed lady friend last night to see the second installment - 'Prince Caspian'.

The film begins with a shot announcing the birth of some kid. A hairy man looks out of a window. He is a BAD MAN - you can tell by his brooding stare and his beard. You can't see what he's looking at out of the window but it's probably a seagull or a puppy and he's probably thinking nasty things about it. He almost looks.....well.....no....they wouldn't do that.

Anyway it turns out that this kid that's popped the womb door is the Broody Beardy man's son. Prince Floppylocks (played convincingly by Peter Andre) is woken and told he needs to run away because Broody Beardy man is his uncle and plans on killing him so that he can become king.....although surely that means that Floppylocks is actually a King...I don't really know how monarchy works.

It's not really that important. More important is that Prince Floppylocks has a secret door in his room, which is cool. He runs away aided by The Professor, who in a piece of casting genius is played by a dotty old man, with glasses and a long white beard.

Oh yeah, and he gives him a horn. It looks a bit crap.

Floppylocks is chased by some of Broody Beardy man's soldiers. To make things easier, they all look a bit like Broody Beardy man in that they are both Broody and Beardy (to varying degrees). Unfortunately for Floppylocks, since 1934 it has been law that any film that contains someone travelling at high speed though woods must at some point be hit in the head and knocked off their horse/carriage/Imperial speeder by a previously unseen branch....so this happens.

Instead of an Ewok with a stick, Floppylocks is woken by Warrick Davis (of Time Bandits, Labyrinth, Willow, The Princess and the Dwarf, Snow White and the Harry Potter films) who in what have many described as a career changing role.......plays a dwarf.

Oh yeah, he also played an Ewok once too, with a stick.

The Broody Beardy man's soldiers surround them and Floppylocks blows his horn.

Crikey, buttered scones and hurrah for Churchill! We're suddenly back in Londontown! It's the Blitz dontcha know and for some reason all the kids are fighting! Clearly this is before the days of Boris' alcohol ban. Feral Children fighting on our streets! The Daily Mail would be up in arms (well....it would have been if it's owner, Lord Rothermere, hadn't been too busy frantically trying to break all pre-war ties with his buddies Hitler and Mussolini at the time)

Anyway. One of these kids is High King Lord Emperor Penguin Pete. The fight is broken up and the kids; 'High King Lord Emperor Penguin Pete' (HKLEPP), 'Frumpylips', 'The Insignificant One' and 'I see dead people' all sit down and discuss how rubbish it is being in London.....all of a sudden they're transported to a beautiful beach, surrounded by green hills and a bright blue sea. They all run about and act like idiots.....

blah blah blah.....Floppylocks finds the Narnians.....Eddie Izzard is a killer mouse....Ken Stott is a fat arsed badger....'I see dead people' see's a Lion.....HKL Emperor Penguin Pete suddenly becomes very good at fighting (this bit is actually quite cool)....and there's a couple of big battles....which are actually quite well done......and then finally, just like in LOTR, the trees save the day.

It's always a huge bonus when films have trebuchets in. I get to knowingly whisper to my girlfriend - "that's a trebuchet!". I can tell it impresses her. There are 4 in this film.

In the end Frumpylips and Floppylocks flirt like farting oranges, Simba the Lion King turns up (he'd been at a Christian Rock Festival), Broody Beardy man gets stabbed by one of his own guys, the lion makes a bridge fall over, the evil Muslims.....I mean Broody Beardy men all fall in a river and drown and all is good.

Boom, Woosh and Spangles! We're back in London, and the tube is finally here.

All in all a good kids film. I actually preferred it to the first. Some of the kids simply can't act and there are some truly comical moments in it where the Christian allegory aspects come through but it's all silly fun really.

Tuesday 1 July 2008

FB / GF

Me and *** first came in touch with each other about a year ago....maybe more. We hit it off really well, you know how it is - when you first start you can't get enough of each other. I spent all my time thinking about ******. I was even checking ****** through my phone on the way home.....the 20 lost minutes between my work and my home computer was really stressing me.

Anyway, you know how these things go. Eventually, no matter how amazing it seemed at first, you start to notice the flaws, you start to look at the alternatives, see things in them you wish were in the one you have.

I mean there was no instant chat, like ***** (who I used to go with). Time dampens the flame of passion but if there's something inherently good then you stick with it.

I noticed that I was no longer checking my phone every 5 minutes, if woken suddenly and unexpectedly at 3am in the morning no longer would I have to reboot my computer to check to see if anything had changed. I could sleep. I had began to stop caring.

Of course I still spent time with ******. There were times when it was like when we first met.

Anyway, I write this basically to get a few things off my chest. I still love ******. It has so many things going for it (to think I used to go with Myspace - what was I thinking!), so I will stick with it for now.....

BUT IF I GET ONE MORE FUCKING APPLICATION REQUEST IT'S OVER.

No i don't want to be a zombie - grow the fuck up and stop bothering me.

No i don't want to rate you as a friend. You don't want to know what I really think of you and your "hilariously" ironic profile picture. I probably only added you because i wanted to see how pitiful your life has become.

So you sent me a beer did you? Well woopty fucking do! Can i drink it? No? So what the fuck is it for except to waste my cocking time and make me realise what a prick you are for never buying me a real one.

I obviously now expect all the people who read this, who are on facebook to bombard me with application requests.....well there's no point. You're not being funny. I thought of that jape first.

Anyway, that's cleared the air. I think maybe things will get better between me and FB from now....if not I reckon I've always got a chance with Bebo

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See what I did there! I wrote anthropomorphically about Facebook . I'm so hip to the cultural zeitgeist - What will I write about next? Maybe I'll say something even more up to date, original and topical like "Why I think the Iraq War was a bad thing" or "Let's make poverty history"

......actually I want to tackle that second one, next time.